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the gooberville ballroom dancer - beardfish lyrics

he was a filthy motherf-cker,
by the name of dwight.
he only bathed ’bout once a year,
he didn’t smell alright.
his father was a drunken b-st-rd,
couldn’t do things right.
his mother died while she was giving birth,
when she saw her dwight.

he had the great ambition to be one who girls would adore.
and if he could have the chance to flourish in a wild romance…

… he could be a fraud or a fake just like those guys on tv

“dwight thought about it for a while and then it occured to him, all he had to do to be popular in gooberville, the place where he lived, was to come up with something he was really good at. the problem was that the only thing he’d ever been remotely interested by in his youth was ballroom dancing, and that ain’t too cool. but if i could find a way, he thought, to combine the ballroom dancing with the fearsome att-tude of more present day youth activities…”

… i could be the king of a generation lost in a daze.
salsa, cha-cha, pasodoble,
blended in the hardcore pace.

he could dance it all he would never fall
women by his side rhymin’, going wild
he would take ’em all!

he took all the money he had saved,
sold his comic-books too
bought a baby-blue custom-made gabardine-suite with matching turquoise dancing-shoes
he took a shower at least once a week,
and now he smelled all right.
his mother really would be proud of him,
if she could see her dwight.

then it was time to show gooberville what talent dwight had concealed.
who would have thought that smelly brat could pull off such s-x appeal.

he was now the king of the floor
and no one could match his moves.
all except the lovely eve,
dressed in silk with natural gloom.

they pulled off a stunt sliding ‘cross the floor
he could feel her br–sts & her eyes wanted more
he would take her home!
and then slide her knickers down…

who would have thought that such a man could do such a thing?
what is it, aphrodisiac or something?

who would have thought that women lined up by his door to ask him out to the dance floor?
would you go to the park with me this friday? nah, maybe next week, alright sweetie!

the s-xual experts unified opinion:
“it is now established that the reason dwight has luck with ladies is clam-exctract vaporizing from his greasy hair! ”
and all the professors say:
“this is a d-mn miracle we must take him down here and run some tests!”

doesn’t matter if you’re a fraud just like those guys who’re uptight.
you could be a jerk or a nerd just like that gooberville dwight,
and he’s alright.
yes he is!

he was a filthy motherf-cker,
by the name of dwight.
he was a filthy motherf-cker,
now he is alright.

- beardfish lyrics

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