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the ballad of the tpk - bard college of citrus lyrics

the party paid the price, their betrayed by the dice
and stumbled in over their head
they sawed the dm’s eyes, reflecting their demise
they took the risk but now they’re dead

the party wipes, they happen in a million different ways:
overrun by some goblins
torn by a owlbear
found a red dragon inside of its lair
next of kin needs to be notified!
they all failed on their con save
sunk into sleep
picked a fight with a level 20 barkeep
maybe you all weren’t qualified, but you can say you tried!

with one collective sigh, some laugh and others cry
roll up new heroes for next week! (new heroes for next week)
“we’ll do whate’er it takes!” “won’t make the same mistakes!”
they say things won’t turn out as bleak

but party wipes, they happen in a million different ways:
they ran afoul of a banshee
fell to a deep grave
subjugated by an aboleth’s enslave
next of kin needs to be notified!
the were outclassed by a death knight
thrown into hag’s brew
basilisk turned them into statues
your remains are unidentified, but you can say you tried!
the clerics only brings you back so far
one tiny little steps, the errors are
waiting to bring disaster

the party wipes, they happen in a million different ways
the party wipes, they happen in a million different ways!
they were devoured by juiblex
wraiths stole their health
woke up a balor because they failed their stealth
next of kin needs to be notified!
they found traps in a dungeon
earned a giant’s ire
stumbled into the elemental plane of fire
any ending fate has just supplied…
they got snared by some ropers
crushed by a roc’s wings
drew the wrong from the deck of many things
next of kin needs to be notified!
they got swallowed by a kraken
stabbed by some cultist
been betrayed by some sudden plot twist
though your quest has just been nullified, you can say you tried

- bard college of citrus lyrics

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