real - ayoh lyrics
this is what real life feels like
most of yall ain’t real
hey kid
yeah!!!
how you feeling
fine!!!
feel alright!!
yeah!!
?
(laughter)
yall feel like dancing
yeah!!!
all right one two uh one two
verse 1
this is before i lose all sanity
this is before i lose all forms of reality
my mind keeps attacking me
saying i’m a failed abortion scratch that i’m a f*cking tragedy
i don’t look in mirrors it saddens me
this ain’t my dark twisted fantasy
this is more like an ongoing nightmare
i know my demons don’t fight fair
i feel like i’m isolated by lightyears
♪
i used to wonder what if feels like
verse 2
truthfully i don’t feel like i’m right here
always on autopilot maybe i might steer
my conscience is always quite near
to the edge, the only death is by this bed
i’ll lay for entirety until the sun is dead
i don’t like sh*t and i don’t go outside
every time i wake up i’ll lose what’s left inside
and i know i have already died
this is my 2nd to 3rd life
and i already want to resign
verse 3
do u know what worth is
i don’t know either cause i’m worthless
i’m the degenerate that surfaced
i’m a scitz when this verse hits
it’s me and my mind in versus
how am i going make a change if i’m observant
how i’m going tour if my nervous
sometimes it feels like i don’t have emotions
i can be drowning in the ocean
i won’t be struggling there won’t be no motion
what i’m writing down has already been spoken
i be freestyling when i’m soaking
i don’t think i’ll go out while i’m choking
not even when the barrel is smoking
i don’t think i’ll ever be free from these four walls
but when i do you finally hear a phone call
(phone call)
♪
hey, uhm, so i’m here and your not so uhm tha* that’s little weird uhm
(dial tone)
verse 4
i missed who i was before
i use to live a little bit more
i use to have open doors
i use to have passion in my core
now i’m stuck in this timestamp
i tried to load up the file but only it rewinds back
i’m struggling of growing but besides that
i’m just not who i use to be
i use to be cheerful and full of energy
people say i’m boring and their right
i don’t want to be so uptight
but i still live it
zero f*cks given
of my self and of my wellbeing
this is just to cope with what i’m feeling
always keep it hidden because i’m always grieving
verse 5
if i truly be myself i won’t be the same
i won’t be the person i claimed
most will switch up and say you changed
that’s why i don’t relieve that i’m not fine
i don’t want you to hit my line
you have yours and i have mine
we all got our problems and we can solve them
i can give you heart until solemn
(x3) just don’t worry about me
♪
like it’s already an hour and your not texting
should i wait a little bit more, yeah
verse 6
will i ever be missed
will i ever be reminisce
i hate being depressed
emotions are always obsessed
i feel like i falling into an abyss
i’m here but not really
i can be vibing with the homies and eating philly
but it feels like i’m over in sicily
stranded from everyone
i hate what i become
tried to reform but i never won
six years of being the same one
change a little never was able to overcome
constantly my head turns into a gun
emotions pulled the trigger for any type of fun
constantly stressing because of what i have done
verse 7
i sit here in this white empty room
the last thing i’ll see before my tomb
whenever i awaken all i see is the moon
i’m always waiting for doom
because i live boredom and that’s i all consume
i feel like i’m always mistaken
i’m never seriously taken
i also do sometimes
i won’t lie because there is nothing past my hollow eyes
i already tried to lift myself with pride
i came crashing down like the market of 09
people say i have standards way to f*cking high
♪
hey, uhm it* it’s me uh welp uhm
i felt like that we* we were uhm meeting uhm
i thought i don’t know uhm
verse 8
they might be right but my mind will always fight
never letting go that’s the motto
i didn’t get influenced i have no role models
i have nothing to go off expect i’m hollow
verse 9
always thinking about outcomes
i never cease to doubt one
what if this was all mistake
what if no can relate
what if this becomes something
what if doesn’t will it be made for nothing
what if i leave
will i’ll be remember do u agree
what if i never stop the grief
what will i become
will i ever find love
will i ever have a son
where is my place in this world
i’m stuck in my head so i just curl
and *n*lyze for way too long
don’t worry they said but i’m far too gone
(x3) far too gone
♪
the date or i don* don’t know its like uhm
is it are you is it a date ar* are you coming uhm, sorry
verse 10
i don’t want to exist
i want to fade into mist
i’m sick of waking up
i had enough
i don’t even want it to end
but my burdens will never mend
i will disappear for a cause
i’m nothing so there is no lost
i’m sorry what i became
don’t remember my name
this was written after the night
that i lost all hope and will to fight
this was made as an exit for 2018
but look at me i’m still here at the age of 16
maybe the note was real but not all of it
maybe the note was the precursor to all of this
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