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poindexter - ayaan lyrics

[verse 1]
as a kid i wanted to grow up so i could be myself
i shoulda said this as a kid for a lack of better dreams to tell
but as a kid i’d answer well, though i’d never believe myself
like “do i need to be something?”, cause all i really need’s myself
me, myself and i, yeah, we’re prolly gonna need some friends
and i’m ready to be a friend to anyone who need’s a friend
that was a disaster, man
kids think i’m weird as heck
and it irks me to no extent; i’m quirky, b*tch
please learn which end, is up
cause this is not debatable;
inflatable head, that’s purely in*deflatable
a cranial mess; cause i have problems being assertive
so when all these kids look at me and smirk, everything inside just turns sulphuric!
so i go and snapchat my friend, delirious
a picture of an m*16; i think i broke our steak for this
like, “i meant when i said imma shoot up the school, demetrius!
i told you that i’m f*cked up and i’m f*cked up on the other side of g*nius!”

[chorus]
poindexter, poindexter;
a poignant little boy left the
conjoined twins in a small shelter
with no heads, and their groins tethered
remember, remember
the fifth of november, when i left em dismembered
like a blender propellor (ahhh!)
[verse 2]
what the f*ck, man
that was really fun, man
why the f*ck you gotta judge, man
i’m so f*cking done, man
i f*cking give up, man
where the f*ck the drugs at?
i’m so f*cking f*cked that i f*cking look like a f*cking dustpan
when i’m f*cked up, man
i f*cking go, “f*ck this, f*ck that!”
yeah

[verse 3]
you prolly thought i’m playing games
but i’m here with a vengeance, b*tch, i’m stayin til the anger fades
though i try not to f*ck myself up too bad like i’m sp*cing drinks
it’s like my life’s a roll*call, man; the time i spend on taking names
to think you even matter to me
you seem sadder to me
talk to him, to talk to her; it’s ladders to me
goin down the same rabbit*hole, think how alice would feel
i just watch you moles furrow and think how mad the hatter could be
comfortably from the ins of my house
i sit writing people right off
and my god this list is quite long
d*mn, could it be that it’s my fault?
f*ck it, like i’d like to find out
i stay put inside my hideout
that i look at like some kinda high*ground…!
[verse 4]
i told you i was out for blood
a verse for you, a verse for him
demonic with the motor*mouth;
i skrrt on you, i skrrt on him
i meant when i said it: “i’ll come for all of you!”
so yall can suck my d*ck;
i’ll cum for all of — wait
i was just a boy of twelve
coping with my mental and it’s boistered health
repressing all these issues, saw no point to dwell
my best friend told me he’d stay by my side; but he always left
he wanted to be popular, guess my existence stopped it then
did nothing to fit in, developed a b*tchin’ voice inside my head
it told me fill the sink and hold my head in til i’m dead
wow it sounds as stupid now, as un*stupid as it sounded then: “the kid who figured he could drown himself”

[verse 5]
mama said my life is “novel*worthy”
nothing’s worse than novels
i was ten and i guess peaked early
where’d it all go downhill?
it wasn’t the cig addiction, surely
or the countless bottles
just some people all around me, yearly
i was tryna model
it all went spirallin’ out of proportion
my grades started falling much lower than normal
but i was becoming what i would transform to
the kids wouldn’t laugh; i’d be someone to talk to
and all the things my attention it brought to
were all the things that i found i was lost to
the kids, they can laugh at whatever they want to
i’m king of my world and i’m so glad i’m not you!
[outro]
that’ what i’ve been trying to say man
poindexter
ahh, f*ck it

- ayaan lyrics

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