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since feeling is first - augustine esterhammer-fic lyrics

i’m gonna choose to be happy
i’m gonna choose to be in love
these quiet gears of regret in the body
i fear like blanks in a gun

i can’t tell a soul how it was
to feel the bookmarks of time
made of blood red skies
or how her voice was burned in my head
like the image burn of a camera flash
or what
force carried what mass from the start of things
landed her there
against my arm

but i’m gonna to choose to be happy
and i’m wise enough to choose to be in love
thеse quiet gears of rеgret in the body
become blanks in a gun

i can’t tell my brother what it is
to see one’s self, to be absurd
or to have walked her, hand in hand
through all the places ghosts go
when they
can find no sleep
i have to think they
think back to souls they’ve held
when flesh begins to feel
when my senses take her in
when her hair takes shape
when the freckles on her back
come to me through these eyes
when the impressions she left
found their rest in some naked corner

where my memories lie
became part of me…

now i contain more of what lies outside

- augustine esterhammer fic lyrics

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