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closer - augustine esterhammer-fic lyrics

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now he’s here
and now he’s gone
evaporated from a skin that once bled into impressions of tobacco sinking heavy in the skin of the wall
and they all got drunk and told the story of the time he cut himself upon the sharp, red edge of a rake
but did they know it then as he was bleeding that he saw through them, and what he wanted to say:

“will i die unfelt
and then become unfeeling?”

and what are these words, these tools
we used to bridgе the gap
a gap left when thе periodic table takes a look at itself through the eyes of something fated to end
as if song you knew were leaking out of a car, in some dream i watched myself detached from afar
where i let myself be pulled down to the grass and worms around and called out my greatest fear:

will i die unfelt
and then become unfeeling?

…and the sun’s pouring out like she always has
and the atoms that make me
will go on without me

down all the streets i’d bike past when as a child the summers were fleeting
where strangers would forget my shape as the light would dim
when they were like films to me and i was always a ghost to them
who’d see a picture tracing just how all the muscles move;
see the channels of marrow
and see it watching its shadow

from the sun pouring out like she always had
from the atoms that made me
that went on without me
to form things more wholly…

- augustine esterhammer fic lyrics

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