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woolies rap - ash chapman lyrics

[intro: ash chapman]
good afternoon customers, if you’re looking for a bargain, come on down the deli department today for some 50% off fresh raps
that’s right customers, we’ve got half price raps
seriously, we’re trying to get rid of these rappers in our store
please place items in the swagging area

[chorus: ash chapman]
go down to woolies, get a roast chook
grab a bit of coleslaw so i don’t need to cook
if it’s got a yellow ticket then i buy a bulk pack
always use the self serve, don’t look back
two avocados, i could steal that
scan ’em as onions, put ’em in my bag (it’s chеaper)
you can’t call it theft if i made a mistakе
gonna take and bake this bl**dy great mud cake (whoopsie)

[verse 1: ash chapman]
out for a smoke when i’m not on break
giving old mate some of my spare change (here ya go)
have you tried the sushi?
“yeah, it’s great, they make it on*site, that’s a top notch trait”
it’s five o’clock and i’m stuck behind a truck (f*ckin’ dog)
went before dark and i can’t find a park (f*ckin’ dog)
someone left their trolley in my car park (f*ckin’ dog)
which toothpaste do i choose to get plaque out? (i dunno)
oral b or colgate, it’s all the same
if it’s on special, i don’t care about the name
but if i spend too much, then it all adds up
and my wife acts up and i’m to blame (why you spendin’ so much?)
gotta feed the kids
fresh food peeps are best in the biz
don’t forget your wishlist when you’re shopping christmas
jesus, mariah carey on the radio again, what is this? (turn that off)
got so many points on my rewards card
fresh bread warmer than the lord’s ass
but i’m in and out, i don’t mess about
gotta get home, make a pavlova (it’s an egg cake)
[chorus: ash chapman]
go down to woolies, get a roast chook
grab a bit of coleslaw so i don’t need to cook
if it’s got a yellow ticket then i buy a bulk pack
always use the self serve, don’t look back

[verse 2: wesda]
coles cookies are for dumbass rookies
woolies cookies got me doing the boogie
at the checkout, stolen mince in my hoodie
i’m getting served by my highschool bully (sally, what are ya doin’?)
you’re stuck at aldi with coins in your trolley (f*ck aldi)
i’m up at woolies, my trolley boy stocky (wow)
fill up my body with choccies and lollies
pingin’ off homebrand instant coffee
sh*t, they’re out of milk on the shelf
quick, go ask a worker for help (quick)
hey cobber, can you look out the back for this?
“f*ck off wesda, i really don’t give a sh*t”
self serve girl saw me put that garlic through as an onion (cheeky)
she knows i stole english m*ffins but she’s not a snitchin’ c*nt

[chorus: ash chapman]
go down to woolies, get a roast chook (chicken)
grab a bit of coleslaw so i don’t need to cook
if it’s got a yellow ticket then i buy a bulk pack
always use the self serve, don’t look back
two avocados, i could steal that
scan ’em as onions, put ’em in my bag (so easy)
you can’t call it theft if i made a mistake
gonna take and bake this bl**dy great mud cake
[verse 3: wesda]
i see my girl helen, she workin’ the service desk (helen?)
i got a price query, she call up long life to check (h*llo?)
she got the wristguard and she follows oh&s
bought a crusier nextdoor from the bws
say i need dozen of free range eggs on the cheap
she tells me all of the specials they’ve got on this week
she knows her produce, she makes my potatoes leak
she took me to deli and wrapped up my sausage meat

[chorus: ash chapman, wesda]
go down to woolies, get a roast chook
grab a bit of coleslaw so i don’t need to cook
self serve attendants havin’ a sook ’cause i stole jamie oliver’s recipe book
two avocados, i could steal that
scan ’em as onions, put ’em in my bag
i’m sick of the christmas songs over the speaker (mariah)
choc eggs on display six months before easter (it’s january)

[outro: ash chapman]
thank you for shoppin’ at woolworths

- ash chapman lyrics

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