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the old me is dead - antwon vinnie lyrics

the old me is dead
thought i found life but i ended up drowning instead
held my breath but didn’t know how to tread
cause this feeling i’m feeling is heavy as lead
and it’s nothing but dread
i can’t feel my body i can’t feel my legs all i feel is a knife in my head
a bad seed was bred wrong
feel like i’m dying but i’m still so d*mn young
in the er feeling atrocious
they told me i have multiple sclerosis
oh my god when i wrote what comes next i didn’t ask for this sh*t
i just want to be happy but life just keeps dealing me nothing but garbage
f*ck this!
why is this happening to me? who am i going to be?
in seventeen years when i am old and grey
i had thе rest of my life in an instant it was taken away

[chorus 1]
oh i’m so scarеd, cause i wasn’t spared
to a life that feeds, my own insanities
now i’m begging please, i don’t want this disease
such a heavy cost, when nightmares replace dreams lost
because i’m

[verse 2]
ill in the mind like hopsin
left the hospital and already assigned my coffin
it’s like i’m boxing with this disease and it’s knocking me around
and no amount of manifestation can seem to stop it
they don’t see the pain in my brain
they don’t see how my body feel like it’s under the rain
they don’t see my gas tank always on e
and they don’t see how all the sh*t i’ve been through weighs on me
[verse 3]
bullied for being f*cking different
persistent they were in making me hurt
that i wished i was non*existent
but, was on a mission, no time for these b*tches
no one saw my vision or the amount of g*nius i was gifted
or how one day my flow would pour out on tracks like it was liquid
they just saw an awkward kid and made him victim
the pain that they gave to me was a symptom
to a future where what they gave to me was wisdom
on how to treat other people and spread my love
regardless if i’m getting it back
cause it’s a fact i’m endlessly waiting for what i have lacked
everything in me is telling me that i’m supposed to react
but if i do that, it might cause me another attack
why is suffering always my common occurrence
constantly thrown in a furnace alive with all of my burdens
i cry every time i think of losing the gifts i’ve been given
i’m terrified this disease will worsen, cause i barely started living

[interlude]
(nurse)
“julie, the doctor will see you now.”
(old woman)
oooo. owww
(anthony)
here, let me get the door for you
(old woman)
oh thank you so much
(anthony)
of course, no problem
(old woman)
i’ve had ms for seventeen years and it’s never been this bad
(anthony)
d*mn
[chorus 2]
i’m so f*cking scared
cause i wasn’t spared
to a life that feeds
my own insanities
now i’m lost at sea
darkness miles beneath me
and i’m so alone. i’m so alone
i just want to be happy
but it’s so hard. it’s so hard
the old me is dead
he’s dead

- antwon vinnie lyrics

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