les vs. jason (rap battle) - anthony rosenthal originals lyrics
[announcer]
(spoken) and now, please welcome
les jacobs and jason jew!
in their first rap battle…
[jason]
(spoken) yo!
your name’s les? well, i can’t disagree
bring it on, sucker, i’ll be listening with glee!
[les]
well i don’t think you’ll have any of that glee
when you’re at the cinema watching the newsies movie
[jason]
well, there’s news about my pbs broadcast, did you hear it?
[les]
what i know is that we don’t have to change any of our lyrics
[jason]
your name starts with l, well, that’s no fun
is your life a living l/ell? here, then take this one
(dialogue)
[les]
you’re a jest with a capital j, that’s no fun
your name should be just j/ja- ’cause you’re a terrible son
while you’re playing chess, i’m working my b-tt off
getting money by the minute every time i fake cough
[jason]
true, you work very hard, so to speak
oh wait! here’s something about me: eight shows a week
maybe you can be less dramatic by a tad?
i would say break a leg, but wait, that’s for your dad
yes i said it! i don’t regret it
read it and weep, and put it on reddit!
[les]
don’t talk to me about family life
how many parents do you have? like, twenty?
i worked really hard for my dad’s health
penny by penny by penny
[jason]
oh right, there are some great examples like
when you threw it all away to go on strike!
(watch what happens overlapping with holding to the ground.)
[jason]
you always eat your own words
compliments to the chef
[les]
you had a party right
before your friend’s death
[jason]
you rub your hand on someone’s spit
without taking a breath
[les]
your baseball playing is cringey af
[jason]
you don’t like the show’s ending? that is fine
i’ll have you say it in front of james lapine
[les]
you say i eat my own words? that is fine
wait, but isn’t reverse to those who whine?
[jason]
(spoken) …no
[les]
(spoken) oh, really?
[jason]
(spoken) yeah, it made no sense
[les]
(spoken) it had to rhyme somehow
[jason]
(sigh)
it’s kind of sad how you are a freak
you’re the kind of kid who eats plums for dessert
[les]
“jason” means healing in greek
it clearly didn’t work on whizzer!
[jason]
(spoken) take that back
don’t pretend that you’re a newsie, you’re the worst of the pack
[les]
pretty soon you’ll take the chess piece back
[jason]
you are the one who barely helped jack
[les]
“it’s about time” that your voice will crack
(dialogue)
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