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showstoppers - anthony jeselnik lyrics

three more. i’m not a religious person. i would call myself an atheist. i don’t have a good story behind it’, i’m just reasonable. my girlfriend, my girlfriend has the greatest story behind why she’s not religious anymore. so when she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25*pound crucifix right above her bed, and about two weeks later in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a 2*inch gash in the back of her dad’s head. like whether you laughed or not, you have to f*cking admit that’s a f*cking great story. now one thing drives me crazy about my girlfriend now is that she’s got like a million shoes. like a million shoes. and she doesn’t’ even like to wear them, i swear she just like stealing from the holocaust museum. now that joke you’re either laughing or you’ve simply never been to the holocaust museum. you gotta believes me it’s like nike factory in there. but if you haven’t been you should go, it’s important. now people who fly a lot as i do, people who fly a lot all say the same thing to me, they say “anthony there is nothing worse than a baby on an airplane, nothing worse than a baby on an airplane. i can give you guys four examples of when having a baby on an airplane was awesome. although they were all on 9/11

- anthony jeselnik lyrics

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