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rape - anthony jeselnik lyrics

i know right? thank you guys. so great to be here in chicago. i love this city. i actually went on a date with a girl from chicago once, this was like ten years ago before i was even a comedian yet. back then i was just a regular old piece of sh*t like you guys. but i’ll never forget this date, we met up at this bar, we started laughing together, we started connecting, it was great. but then we leave the bar and go back to her place, and as soon as we walk in her front door, she pauses out cold on her front counch. now, i went to college and i knew i had a million options. but i’m a gentleman, so i did the smart thing. i just got a blanket, tucked her in and left her a note that said you got raped. thank you. i feel like it’s very important to open up my show with a rape joke. just to see what kind of crowd i’m dealing with here, you guys are going to be great, but if you were upset or you were offended in any way, i’ve only got two more rape jokes. and i wait about 15 minutes

- anthony jeselnik lyrics

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