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all over the world - anthony jeselnik lyrics

chicago is a great place to perform and i would know, because i perform all over the world. clubs, colleges, festivals, it’s great. colleges are amazing, because it’s just like me, talking to 18 to 22 year olds, which is ideal. and they teach me things all the time, i was at college recently and they taught me the term, have you guys ever heard the term b*tter*face before? yeah, it’s been around for a long time, if you haven’t heard the term, it’s like a girl who has a really hot body** but her face** but her face is all f*ckd up. now when i heard that i thought that was pretty mean, i’ve never dated a b*tterface before, but i did once date a monkey face. have you guys ever heard of that** it’s different. a monkey face is like a girl who has a face like a total monkey, but the rest of her isn’t that hot. yeah she was one in million. i would give anything to go back and pee on her. i like telling that joke because people think i’m going to be racist with it. aw anthony you racist, well f*ck you. i’m not racist at all, some of my best friends are black for halloween. clubs are great, colleges are great, festivals, festivals are where it’s at festivals are like musicians and comedians hanging out all week. i got to go south by southwest in austin texas last year. which is a great festival but i didn’t realize how popular it gets. i drive into town. i’m like hey where is my hotel room this weekend. and they say well where did you book your hotel room, well then your hotel room is your car you f*cking idoit. so it’s like two in the morning, i’m trying to fall asleep in the back of my car, and i get a phone call from the festival, they say anthony good news, they say anthony there is a hotel about three miles away, if you get there first they’ll hook you up. i drive as fast as i can. guy behind the desk yes mr. jeselnik we do have one room available, but by law i have to tell you that earlier this afternoon two prostitutes overdosed in that bed. and i said well how much more is that?

- anthony jeselnik lyrics

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