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anamnesis - anothen lyrics

a mind state deprived – pretending there’s no reality,
a walking dead man, i am my own fatality,
my mind starved and empty, after hungry for weeks
can’t put my thoughts together, nor can i speak
full of something without a name, an emotion untouched
much of nothing or a lot of something – but what?
searching, i can’t seem to put a finger on this,
is it was i think it is if i’m being honest?
distance from my first love framed in ignorance,
bliss when ignored but my eyes have been opened since
i now miss home meaning hearing sirens on the block,
but that also means hearing phone calls of who got shot,
so i don’t call no more and now i’ve lost touch,
or maybe i don’t want to use my past as a crutch
excuses don’t bring me back to sanity
but is it vanity to think of what’s done branded me?
my story handed me pride but can it be,
that i’ve left it in the cold and now i cannot see?
but when i try to close my eyes at night to sleep,
from the deep of my mind memories start to creep
like the time i witnessed my boy get pistol whipped,
never knew what my hands could do- i truly lost grip!
paranoia crept in and i had to watch my back
i thought rolling deep would keep me from falling through the cracks,
rumors and whispers that my grave had been dug,
my eyes bugged as i was waiting to catch a slug,
tomorrow didn’t matter, only the present,
trying to stay hard forgetting the world by getting pleasant,
my life was wasting away and i wasn’t caring,
not hearing my conscience and left cold staring,
god was knocking on my heart trying to get me open,
but i was happy drowning in agony gasping and choking!

your sins are like bricks, your sins are like bricks,
your sins are like bricks and you’ve been building a wall,
a wall so thick you don’t even hear me when i call.
it’s like i slowly faded away after a while,
a vagabond bag of bones who’s forgotten how to smile,
too scared to show emotion except for frustration,
a lack of patience turn to rage that had me in my room pacing,
blaming things on god as if it was his doing,
couldn’t make up my mind if he was real and worth pursuing,
smoking my life away filled up with chemicals,
the story of most of my team was identical
but listen to this next part believe it,
receive it open hearted, its essential man you need it
jesus made me realize that my pain was why he bled,
and although breathing i was walking dead,
he had me reading his word showing me i could get out,
my sins were like bricks and i was setting up a wall of doubt,
it wasn’t that he couldn’t hear me or reach me,
my sin in fact encapsulated me so he couldn’t teach me,
all i had to do was stop what i was doing and repent,
then follow jesus for this is why he was sent
evidence of god’s power and forgiveness,
i quit filling my body with chemicals, his strength did this!
i am a new creation, reborn, a new man again,
born from above, washed clean by his blood, anothen,
it doesn’t mean that no my life is perfect,
i just know the one who is so now my next breath is worth it!
what do hear- can you hear anything?
a whisper in the darkness can enlighten everything?
when you stop for a moment to acknowledge the light,
it can smash your past if you let it leaving your future bright,
trees don’t come up out the earth without a seed,
just the same without faith in god you will not see,
this life isn’t created just so you can have breath,
but so you can get to know him and continue life after death

- anothen lyrics

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