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the lady's paying - andrew lloyd webber lyrics

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[norma]
hurry up, the birthday boy is on his way
this is a surprise celebration
i hope you’ve remembered everything i’ve said
i want to see a total transformation

[joe,spoken]
what’s all this?

[norma,spoken]
happy birthday, darling. did you think we’d forgotten?

[joe,spoken]
well, i … i don’t know

[norma,spoken]
these people are from the best men’s shop in town. i had them close it down for the day

[joe,spoken]
norma, now listen!

[norma,spoken]
i’ll leave you boys to it

[manfred]
happy birthday, welcome to your shopathon!

[joe]
what’s going on?

[manfred]
help yourself, it’s all been taken care of
anyone who’s anyone is dressed by me

[joe]
well, golly gee

[manfred]
pick out anything you’d like a pair of
you just point, i’ll do the rest
i’ve brought nothing but the best
you’re a very lucky writer
come along now, get undressed
unless i’m much mistaken
that’s a 42-inch chest

[joe]
i don’t understand a word you’re saying

[manfred]
well, all you need to know’s the lady’s paying
it’s nice to get your just reward this time of year

[joe]
get outta here!

[manfred]
and all my merchandise is strictly kosher
when you’ve thrown away all your old worn-out stuff

[joe]
hey, that’s enough

[manfred]
perhaps you’d like to model for my brochure
i have just the thing for you
chalk-stripe suits

[salesman 1]
in black

salesman 2]
or blue

[salesman 3]
glen plaid trousers

[salesman 4]
cashmere sweaters

[salesman 5]
bathing shorts for malibu

[salesman 6]
here’s a patent leather lace-up

[salesman 7]
it’s a virtuoso shoe

[manfred]
and a simply marvelous coat made of vicuna

[joe]
you know what you can do with your vicuna

[norma]
come on joe, you haven’t even started yet

[joe]
you wanna bet?

[norma]
i thought by now he’d look the height of fashion
he always takes forever making up his mind
don’t be unkind
i thought you writers knew about comp-ssion

i love flannel on a man

[manfred]
this will complement his tan

[norma]
we’ll take two of these and four of those

[manfred]
i’m still your greatest fan!
very soon now we’ll have stopped him
looking like an also-ran

[joe]
you’re going to make me sorry that i’m staying

[norma]
well, all right, i’ll choose, after all, i’m paying!

[manfred]
evening clothes?

[norma]
i want to see your most deluxe

[joe]
won’t wear a tux

[norma]
of course not, dear, tuxedos are for waiters

[manfred]
what we need are tails, a white tie and top hat

[joe]
i can’t wear that

[norma]
joe, second-rate clothes are for second-raters

[joe, spoken]
norma, please…

[norma]
shut up, i’m rich
now some platinum blonde b-tch
i own so many apartments
i’ve forgotten which is which

[joe]
i don’t have to go to premieres
i’m never on display
you seem to forget that i’m a writer
who cares what you wear when you’re a writer?

[norma]
i care, joe, and please don’t be so mean to me

[joe]
o.k., all right

[norma, spoken]
you can’t come to my new year’s eve party in that filling-station shirt

[joe, spoken]
i’ve been invited somewhere else on new year’s eve

[norma, spoken]
where?

[joe, spoken]
artie green. he’s an old friend of mine

[norma]
i can’t do without you, joe, i need you
i’ve sent out every single invitation

[joe]
all right, norma, i give in

[norma]
of course you do
and when they’ve dressed you
you’ll cause a sensation

[salesmen]
we equip the chosen few of movieland

[manfred]
the latest cut

[salesmen]
we dress every movie star and crooner
from their shiny toecaps to their hatband

[manfred]
conceal your gut
you won’t regret selecting the vicuna

[salesmen]
if you need a hand to shake
if there’s a girl you want to make
if there’s a soul you’re out to capture
or a heart you want to break
if you want the world to love you

[manfred]
you’ll have to learn to take

[salesmen]
and gracefully accept the role you’re playing

[manfred]
you will earn every cent the lady’s paying

[salesmen]
so why not have it all?

[manfred]
now that didn’t hurt, did it?

[salesmen]
the lady’s paying!

- andrew lloyd webber lyrics

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