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the best friend interlude - andie schoen lyrics

i made a best friend in kindergarten because she had no one else
her hair was coily, and i thought it was the coolest hair i’d ever seen
so i sat next to her, and we clung to each other like velcro, for years
then i started feeling trapped with her
i wanted more friends
so in order to branch out, i had to leave her behind
i befriended a girl later who i had a venomous hatred for, for no reason other than jealousy
i felt bad about leaving best friend #1, and i still do
but i became so close with this girl who i perceived as so evil
and we stayed neutral to the world together
soon after, she wasn’t gone but added to
two new friends who i had known before
we reconvened in middle school
and the four of us stuck together until i broke away to be with a girl i loved
and a guy who would break me
after getting him out of my life, i had nightmares of me and him in a park
in which he k!lled me for my
then i turned to my old friends for help, along with one i met in therapy
then they all came back, i’m surrounded by all of my best friends
except for the first one
my mother has had a best friend she had kept for decades
they met in elementary school
and now can’t even imagine my own life without her
my mother wanted the same for me
a stable friendship that i would keep for my whole life
it never worked out for me
and she seems mad about it, especially about best friend #1
trust me, i’m racked with guilt over her
i still wonder what would happen if we were still friends
but there’s nothing i can do now
and if i could go back, i wouldn’t change anything

- andie schoen lyrics

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