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farmers' market - alexander armstrong and ben miller lyrics

take me out to the ring road
down beside the laserquest
a little slice of arcadia
out the back of the toys ‘r’ us
cause there the h*rny hands of toil
sell muddy veg and rapeseed oil
brought straight from the farm
for people like us!

there’s ostrich steaks, smoked venison
and eggs with sh*t and feathers on
there’s cauliflowers with gritty bits in between
if normal markets turn your head
then wheel your bugaboo here instead
it’s the furthest thing from eastenders you’ve ever seen

the farmers’ market, the farmers’ market
i drive here in the volvo and i park it (over a hundred sp*ces)
market, the farmers’ market
i find any old cr*p and sell it in a basket

k*mquats, bananas
and cheese from southern france
brought right here all freshly from the ground
we’ve got cupcakes from our cupcake field
just harvested this morning
they’re yours for a steal at six for thirty pound
(i’ll take the lot)
market, the farmers’ market
i’m no more a farmer than morten harket (off of a*ha in the 80’s)
but here are some fools, and here’s their money
the two are so easily parted
we’ll soon have enough to buy a farm

we’ve got flapjacks here, and sugared mice
like a normal shop but not as nice
and this seasoned ham, just under the price of gold
durians, walnuts, tangerines
and little batman figurines
all dug up this morning, so they must be
(sold to the gentleman in the mustard cords)

if you drive from junctions two to four
and wondered what the queue was for
it’s the credulous masses of urban middle class
and in the car park outside discount beds
we don’t pay any overheads
so i make a small fortune sitting on my fat *rs*!

(the farmers’ market, the farmers’ market
i drive here in the volvo and i park it)
we’re expanding to chairs this year
we get all the stuff from ikea
and then we just give it some farmyard magic
(market, the farmers’ market
i find any old cr*p and sell it in a basket)
hey, i’m sold out of stuff today
i must put more sh*t on display
and then go home
market, the farmers’ market
if we get twenty grand by lunch we’ve hit our target
cause here are some fools
and here’s our money
the two are so easily parted
we’ll soon have enough to buy a farm

- alexander armstrong and ben miller lyrics

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