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luigi's lament 2 - alex walker smith lyrics

[intro spoken]
deep in the heart of bowser’s flying ship fireball dungeon, was luigi
oh, he’d lost everything: his mansion, his friends, his hoover, his girlfriend to his pet dinosaur of course
but what he did have…was a guitar…
it’s a me, luigi, sitting in my cell
nothing to do but build my leg strength with these prison dumbells
and mario was throwing, fireb*lls at his wall
while toad was sewing clothes all day, and peach was working the soil
and yoshi was making omelettes in the kitchen, using his own eggs no less
but i came up with a brilliant plan to luigi us right out of this mess

[verse 1 spoken]
it was then that luigi decided to turn his life around
and by that i mean he took a ton of mushrooms and went plum crazy…
well i used my incredible leg strength, to kick right through the doors
and then did my signature powerful jump, and k!lled the guards between my quads
and then peach received a signal, in the shape of a mustache
she crushed a goomba with a turnip, as if she was in smash

[chorus]
i’m luigi and this is how we got free
i’m luigi and this is how we got free

[verse 2]
then yoshi started eating, the guards one at a time
and he spat them out to k!ll their friends, and then ate the rest alive
then mario ripped his clothes off, to expose his hairy back
which showed us to the engine room, from a tattoo of a map
[chorus]
i’m luigi and this is how we got free
i’m luigi and this is how we got free

[instrumental break]

[verse 3]
and when we reached the prison deck, toad was in a cage
so i made bpwser eat his nappies, in a fit of rage
and i crashed his giant death ship, into his castle home
and i walked towards the camera, whilst his family exploded
now i’ve imprisoned bowser, his life is a living h*ll
and every time he begs for death, i just throw him in a well
and in the well are pictures, the pictures of his wife
to remind him that his family, perished in a fire
(maniacal laughter)
now bowser hears me laughing, laughing in his face…

[outro(spoken): yoshi & mario]
well that’s when luigi started to go off the deep end
he’d been in that prison for far too long, and vengeance had poisoned his mind
and sure enough, one day*wait, wait, wait, wait, yoshi you can*a talk>
well, yeah i can talk. would you like an egg?
no i don’t want an egg you just*a cr*pped out! actually, er, how does it work? are they like your babies or something?
well, technically they’re unfertilized, so they’re actually my periods
what the* are you telling me for 2 years we’ve been eating your periods while you say*a nothing? what’s wrong with you?!
my papa always used to say i make the finest omelettes in the whole of the mushroom kingdom
actually, you’re a bit of a weirdo, yoshi, i preferred it when you said*a nothing. can we go back to you saying*a nothing?
that’s fine by me

- alex walker smith lyrics

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