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stand up comedy - alex schor lyrics

[intro]
hey, (hey) what a wonderful kind of day
if we could learn to work and play
and get along with each other
you gotta listen to your*

[verse 1]
i’m not even funny, they just laugh ’cause i’m dumb as h*ll
i’m a broke boy stealing coins out the wishing well
all driven like a ram truck, that’s my personnel
i just wanna touch two m’s like how summer’s spelled (woo)
oof, man, i want a couple bands
i’m ac at the north pole, i got too many fans
that girl so bad, you couldn’t begin to understand
call me abdul*jabbar, kareem*ing in my pants
i wanna touch myself but i’m in public
so i can’t be out here touching myself
i’m not a narcissist, i’m just in love with myself
hold up, wait, d*mn, that’s kind of the same thing (yeah)
w* w* walk in, i’m h*lla fly, yeah, i’m maggots
s*x or a dad, but both, i don’t have it (ayy)
haha, that’s a joke, i’m bob saget
they like, “how you get rich?”, i robbed f* (woah) old people

[bridge]
y’all thought i was gonna say it
nah, hahaha
man, that would end my entire career
didn’t even start yet, (agh)
[verse 2]
have a white wife beater and a black wife beater
i’ma turn a 4*door whip to a two*seater
take out the backseat, put in a pool with a heater
i go to asu ’cause i’m an innovation leader (hehe)
nah, i’m probably a dumbass
beat off before the s*x, or else i cum fast
bury, penetrate it, she screamed, i’m like a thumb tack (agh)
she’s like a whale, ass fat and she humpback
gangnam style, oppa gangnam style (oppa)
wrist over wrist, hit it gangnam style (yuh)
paper on me, but no thanks to file (nuh uh)
i make quotes but most [?] are vile (they are)
told airport security, “i have a bomb” (wait)
i just air balled a layup, i’m lebron (okay)
i hope your dad leaves, you got a hot mom
i’m the only city boy on farmersonly.com

[outro]
hey, (hey) what a wonderful kind of day
if we could learn to work and play
and get along with each other
you gotta listen to your*
hey, (hey) what a wonderful kind of day
if we could learn to work and play
and get along with each other
you gotta listen to your*

- alex schor lyrics

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