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if i were - alex horne & the horne section lyrics

if i were a dog i’d bite most’ the men i see
if i were a spider i’d build a massive web between two trees
if i were a fly i’d spread all the worst disease
if i were a flower i’d do my very best to make you sneeze

if i were a shark i would loiter near the beach
if i were a maggot i’d make my home inside the sweetest peach
if i were a snake i would hug with all my might
if i were a dung beetle i’d seek you out and cover you in sh*te

i’m an angry bee
i dislike everyone i meet
i’ve got the gift of the sting but i can only use it once
that just doesn’t seem fair because the world is full of c*nts
i’m an angry bee
and what really rial’s me
is that i’m pretty sure my lack of sting is causing not affect
how can i express that when i don’t have the outlet
i’m a toothless tiger or bark without a bite
a lizard with a one inch tongue, a horse without a knight
a llama with no spit gland, an eagle without flight
think i’m gonna sting myself and die
i don’t think i can sting myself, i try
trouble is i can’t reach my behind

- alex horne the horne section lyrics

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