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suicide letter - alec dow lyrics

(alec dow)
sometimes you take it too far, and you’re stuck with yourself driving around in a car
that you seem to never leave
trust me it’s hard to believe
but trust me
i’ve been there
felt like i was at the bottom
going through life thinking i have nothing in common
can’t seem to act right, and find a way to blossom
you lay in bed at night
trying to find a reason to fight
always thinking of ways to end your life
never finding a purpose
and always feeling like a burden
everyone leaves you in the dust
and you’re laying there asking yourself if anyone cares
even if you stayed who can you trust
nothing holds value
no one cares about your time or effort
it just makes you feel lesser
with more hate in your soul
you sit at your desk and write a suicide letter
as you sit and tug on your favorite sweater
tears coming out your eyes, thinking they will make you better
but you look at the ink that’s on the piece of paper with terror
you stand up and place the letter on the dresser
and you feel so hot, like you’re in the middle of the desert
you run through the thoughts inside your head
as you start to stand on the bed
the noose that you tied hangs from the ceiling
you get this nasty feeling
you can’t tell if this is the right thing to do
but all you can think about is you
tears rolling down your face
this is the only thing you can’t seem to erase
you wish you could leave with no trace
but the effect it will have on your family
will just be a tragedy
they’ll feel the same way you’re feeling now
so how can you leave them?
you just sit there feeling numb, numb to the pain
nothing else seems to matter
you feel like a sc-m
and you’re afraid people will think you’re dumb
you sneak downstairs and steal your dad’s rum
you toss it down, not remembering where it came from
you look at the dresser
where you left your letter
the noose sways from the ceiling
making you feel lesser
dealing with the thoughts that seem to be peeling away whatever is left of you
the thought of you being here doesn’t even seem to be true
it already feels like you’re gone
and you’re asking yourself what went wrong

what went wrong

the night goes on
you lay on the floor
clinging to the bedroom door
tears rolling down your face
the walls seem to get closer, like you’re running out of sp-ce
the pill bottle lays on top of the book case
next to your moms vase
you feel like a disgrace
as you lay there bracing what you just did
you let a scream out, just incase
as you lay there feeling out of place
nothing seems to erase
your thoughts and your dreams all come face to face
as you lay there with your eyes rolling back into empty sp-ce

empty sp-ce

morning arises
your parents are coming home
from their trip to rome
little do they know, you’re laying there with your mouth covered in foam
the door opens
they call your name
and they think you’re just playing a game
with little to no shame
your mom goes upstairs
walks into your room and there you lay
she cries and screams
she can’t help, but to blame herself and claim this is her fault
your dad comes in with so much shame, like he is the one to blame
but little do they know, you’re still breathing
your dad pumps your chest, as your mom is on the phone
you can tell in her tone
she is grasping for air
with a a tear falling on the phone
sirens come down the road
but everything seems to be slowed
people rush in and out
and all you can hear are shouts

all you can hear are shouts

a month goes by
you’re finally awake and giving life another try
you have a different outlook from the day you tried to take your life
you think about your future, and having a wife
everyone talks to you like you’re the only one
going through something
no one ever showed you that they cared, till you showed them that you don’t
people change
and it makes you feel strange
but who are they to judge
and decided if you are deranged
you just have to go the extra mile to reach your range
just keep following your dreams
nothing is the same
and life is no game
you can’t walk around with so much shame
there is so much to look forward to
just keep focusing on you
never let anyone bring you down and make you feel like a fool
and who cares if you’re cool
just be your own stool
hold yourself up, and the weight of life
and next time your holding that knife you’ll know that it isn’t your job to take your own life

- alec dow lyrics

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