dentist! - alan menken lyrics
when i was young and just a bad little kid,
my momma noticed funny things i did.
like shootin’ puppies with a bb-gun.
i’d poison guppies, and when i was done,
i’d find a p-ssy-cat and bash it’s head.
that’s when my momma said…
(what did she say?)
she said my boy i think someday
you’ll find a way
to make your natural tendencies pay…
you’ll be a dentist.
you have a talent for causing things pain!
son, be a dentist.
people will pay you to be inhumane!
you’re temperment’s wrong for the priesthood,
and teaching would suit you still less.
son, be a dentist.
you’ll be a success.
“here he is folks, the leader of the plaque.”
“watch him suck up that gas. oh my god!”
“he’s a dentist and he’ll never ever be any good.”
“who wants their teeth done by the marqui desade?”
“oh, that hurts! wait! i’m not numb!”
“eh, shut up! open wide! here i come!”
i am your dentist.
and i enjoy the career that i picked.
i’m your dentist.
and i get off on the pain i inflict!
i thrill when i drill a bicuspid.
it’s swell, though then tell me i’m mal-adjusted.
and though it may cause my patients distress.
somewhere…somewhere in heaven above me…
i know…i know that my momma’s proud of me.
“oh, momma…”
’cause i’m a dentist…
and a success!
“say ahh…”
“say ahhhh…”
“say aaarrrhhhh!!!”
“now spit!”
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