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monster - ahnonymous lyrics

monster lyrics
lately, it seems that i’ve been having trouble sleeping
these thoughts keep creeping
into the corners of my mind, they’re slowly seeping
it’s so discreet, like when i least expect, it’ll turn a dream
into a f*cking nightmare, and i can’t take it, it’s k!lling me
and no, i don’t know how it started, it’s here since i remember
and it’s slowly turned my heart colder than midnight in december
my heart was once a bonfire, now it’s barely an ember
and i often think this message maybe should return to sеnder
lately, it’s been a rocky road and i’m not talking haagen dazs
gaslight mysеlf so much, you’d think it was the f*cking holocaust
and i don’t know what to do, doc, sh*t, i’m feeling lost

well, let’s figure out how this started, can you think of a cause?
a possible reason for being so in your feelings
we gotta search for a meaning within this concerning season and leave it
all in your past so you can move on to better days

you gotta help me doc, these thoughts are making me afraid, cuz

as a kid, i feared the monster under my bed
but now that monster’s made its home inside of my head
i can’t escape its constant screams, i know it wants me dead
i am becoming the
i am becoming the monster
doc, i’m afraid the things i want in life will never occur
in a world of hamilton’s, it f*cking feels like i’m aaron burr
that’s why i always drink until my f*cking speech is a slur
until i stumble when i step and till my vision is blurred
that’s why i smoke until i feel my f*cking lungs are collapsing
till i’m spitting blood enough that it prevents me from rapping

but what has you feeling this way?

it’s how it’s always been happening
it’s the only thing i know and man, it’s so f*cking maddening
but see, i know it’s not healthy, i know i’m worth more
but what’s the point in taking a step just to fall down four?
to climb to the mountain top a thousand times and fall short
and before i can show what i can do, man, i’m just shown the door?
it’s such a k!ller, cuz i know that i’m above this
but the sh*t i’ve battled with made me become this
cuz i’ve been dealt a sh*tty hand like every f*cking day
you have to help me doc, there’s gotta be another way, cuz

okay, calm down, let’s try to think about this rationally
i’m sure there’s an explanation for it

you know how mad that seems?
you’re gonna defend them when you don’t know what i’ve seen
i’ve cut myself with liquor bottles, then drink it as i bleed
but when i found this music sh*t, it f*cking felt like i’d been freed
i walk around in public with people thinking that i am fine
but back at home, i got myself a necklace made of twine
i’ve blacked out all by myself so much, i’ve f*cking lost count
you’re just like all the others, there’s so much you don’t know about
and you think you’re gonna sit there and act like you f*cking know me?
this music sh*t’s the only thing that’s kept me from an od
cuz bars would keep me chilled out
see, bars would hold the vibe
but what you don’t understand is
bars are the reason i’m alive
this music sh*t is all i have, yeah, it’s been pretty bad
but it’s better than what i did to deal with losing my dad

as a kid, i feared the monster under my bed
but now that monster’s made its home inside of my head
i can’t escape its constant screams, i know it wants me dead
i am the
i am the monster
i am the monster
i am the monster

- ahnonymous lyrics

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