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not living=non existent - afterlife dispatch lyrics

they only hear the negative deceitful lies
and that isn’t what i said
it’s their head f*cking with them
even if i’m here, my mind is non existent
i’m lost in the depths of my self hatred
cause apparently
my numbers of failure’s keep increasing
and i’m needing
to be deceased quick
i told them frequent responses
and that i can’t conquer
going through the worse
i don’t deserve this or do i?
don’t say i’m stagnant
the only time i am is whеn i disassociate
and when i dwell on thе hate aimed
directly at my brain
because i fail always
i’ll continue to stay with faded gang
i’m faded eternally
fangs have been buried in my conscious
there like roots from the leeches
who steal
i don’t need this stress
i’m finna loose
all the progress
i had and
fall flat on my face
what do you call that? ‘
just a disgrace
who didn’t add up to their loved one’s expectations
didn’t matter
wish my brains would splatter on the pavement
i’ll do it myself after this drug rush
“you f*ck up” is all i can hear
i dropped out of school
had no choice
study subjects on my own
but f*ck it no degree
so i’m disowned
don’t need no jewels
i need some hope
can’t we agree that i need to smoke
just to calm the pressure
when it’s inflicted cause my head hurt’s
it’s either that or pill’s cause the med’s work
wanna die never thought i
would reach down this low
look at me now
said your proud
now i’m on the road
of no crown
i’m just a soul you threw away
your not found
through my eyesight
when i observe the area even though
i might die
cause you saw me as a pessimist
i valued you and i did some sh*t
and i wasn’t attention seeking i promise
i’m not that type
dead serious
just the one to grab the mic and vent
about how the several drenched in tear moment’s
kept re occurring
tears keep hitting the carpet
got weed
finna spark it
i’m hurt but don’t worry
i’m starving spiritually not like my former eating disorder
sometimes wanna go back
cause i can’t see no more of the hope
every time
i try to be an optimist they throw me down
use me till i’m loosing my self worth
i love them but i’m not adequate
i’m just a sh*ll that should die
no matter how much improvement that i show,i’m below
their standard of ahead
to them i’m dead and behind
even before my casket lifts
with me inside it
open the casket door already
i’m just a stone that doesn’t move
on the ground they walk on
i’m just like a song on iowa was left behind (slipknot reference)
got the knots tied
ready to die
cause f*ck staying alive cause
i’m someone they step on meant to loose i guess
you don’t f*ck with me? nah
i got the semi tucked
aimed at my head
pouring henny up
ready to blow it to bits
cause f*ck
i’m insignificant and worthless
counting penny’s yeah
just to get a sip
liquor store won’t give me none right now
please forgive me for this self inflicted ending
as i drown in the abyss of stuck
in one frame of mind
as i decay and subside
aka leave behind the game of life

(slowed version plays)

- afterlife dispatch lyrics

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