crazy rap (colt 45) - afroman lyrics
[intro]
wait a minute, man
hey, check this out, man (tell it)
it was this blind man, right? (this man)
it was this blind man, right?
he was feelin’ his way down the street with a stick, right? (hey)
he walked past this fish market (fish market?), you know what i’m sayin’?
he stopped, he took a deep breath, he said
-sniffs-, woo good morning ladies” (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha)
you like that sh-t, man?
hey man, i’ve got a gang of that sh-t, man
hey, i’ll tell you what
we’ll all have a good time
we’ll fool on the drum
and hey, hey if everybody crowd around the mic’
i’ll tell you all these motherf-ckin’ jokes i got
first i’m gonna start off like that, hey help me sing it, homeboy
[hook]
said colt 45 and two zigzags, baby, that’s all we need
we can go to the park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
singin’ them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
and sell tapes from here to hong kong
so roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
feelin’ high as h-ll, flyin’ through palmdale
skatin’ on dayton rims
so roll, roll, the ’83 cadillac coupe deville
if my tapes and my cds just don’t sell, i bet my caddy will
[verse 1]
well, it was just sundown in a small white town
they call it east side palmdale (well)
when the afroman walked through the white land
houses went up for sale
well, i was standing on the corner sellin’ rap cds
when i met a little girl named jan
i let her ride in my caddy
because i didn’t know her daddy was the leader of the ku klux klan
we f-cked on the bed
f-cked on the floor
f-cked so long i grew a f-ckin’ afro
then i f-cked to the left (left)
f-cked to the right (right)
she sucked my d-ck ’til the sh-t turned white
thought to myself, “sheeba-sheeba”
got my -ss lookin’ like a zebra
i put on my clothes and i was on my way
until her daddy pulled up in a chevrolet
and so i ran, i jumped out the back window
but her daddy, he was waitin’ with a two-by-four
oh, he beat me to the left
he beat me to the right
the motherf-cker whooped my -ss all night
but i ain’t mad at her prejudiced dad
that’s the best d-mn p-ssy i ever had
got a bag of weed and a bottle of wine
i’m gonna f-ck that b-tch just one more time
[hook]
said colt 45 and two zigzags, baby, that”s all we need
we can go to the park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
singin’ them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
and sell tapes from here to hong kong
so roll, roll, roll my joint, pick out the seeds and stems
feelin’ high as h-ll, flyin’ through palmdale
skatin’ on dayton rims
so roll, roll, the ’83 cadillac coupe deville
if my tapes and my cds just don’t sell, i bet my caddy will
[verse 2]
i met this lady in hollywood
she had green hair, but d-mn she looked good
i took her to my house because she was fine
but she whooped out a d-ck that was bigger than mine
i met this lady from j-pan
never made love with an african
i f-cked her once, i f-cked her twice
i ate that p-ssy like shrimp-fried rice
don’t be amazed at the stories i tell ya (tell ya)
i met a woman in the heart of australia
had a big b-tt and big t-tties too
so i hopped in her -ss like kangaroo
see, i met this woman from hawaii
stuck it in her -ss and she said “aiee!”
lips was breakfast, p-ssy was lunch
then her t-tties busted open with hawaiian punch
i met colonel sanders’ wife in the state of kentucky
she said, “i’d fry some chicken if you’d just f-ck me”
i came in her mouth, it was a crisis
i gave her my secret blend of herbs ‘n’ spices
[hook]
said colt 45 and two zigzags, baby, that”s all we need
we can go to the park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
singin’ them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
and sell tapes from here to hong kong
[verse 3]
i met dolly parton in tennessee
her t-tties were filled with hennessy
that country music really drove me crazy
but i rode that -ss and said, “yes, miss daisy”
met this lady in oklahoma
put that p-ssy in a coma
met this lady in michigan
i can’t wait ’til i f-ck that b-tch again
met a real black girl down in south carolina
f-cked her until she turned into a white albino
f-cked this hooker in iowa
i f-cked her on credit, so i owe her (ha, ha)
f-cked this girl down in georgia
came in her mouth, man, i thought i told ya?
met this beautiful s-xy ho
she just ran across the border of mexico
fine young thing said her name’s maria
i wrapped her up just like a hot tortilla
i wanna get married, but i can’t afford it
i know i’ma cry when she get deported
[hook]
colt 45 and two zigzags, baby, that”s all we need
we can go to the park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
as the marijuana burn, we can take our turn
singin’ them dirty rap songs
stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong
and sell tapes from here to hong kong
[verse 4]
have you ever went over a girl’s house to f-ck
but the p-ssy just ain’t no good? (say what?)
i mean, you gettin’ upset because you can’t get her wet
plus you in the wrong neighborhood
so you try to play it off and eat the p-ssy
but it take her so long to c-m
then a dude walk in, that’s her big boyfriend
and he asks you, “where you from?”
so you wipe your mouth and you try to explain
you start talking real fast
but he already mad ’cause you f-cking his woman
so he start beating on yo’ -ss
now your clothes all muddy
your nose all bl–dy
your d-ck was hard but now it’s soft
you thought you had a girl to rock your world
now you still gotta go jack off
[hook]
said colt 45 and two zigzags baby that’s all we need
we can go to the park, after dark
smoke that tumbleweed
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