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mother - adil omar lyrics

divine

this is a story about my mother
complicated woman like no other
to each their own, but i’ll take you back to discover
why no other mother ever hold a stack to my mother
married off at 19, basically a child bride
to my father who was crazy with a wild side
polar opposites but goals accomplished
so she could find her freedom in a home that was something
other than the one that she grew up in
sheltered and raised to be a princess and do nothing
but be pretty and have kids, familiar habits
stability and certainty, fragility as is

and my dad was everything her dad wasn’t
might have been a good father, but a bad husband
rough and tumble, savage and unpredictable
tough and rugged but couldn’t manage all of his drinking so
he put her on a roller coaster that she couldn’t ride in
explosive temper, trigger happy and a womanizer
and god bless the man, but he had his demons
started hating each other’s guts and must have had their reasons
and while they worked hard to give those reasons up
he up and f*cking died, left her to pick the pieces up
notes from rehab, the hopes that we had
all flushed down the drain from his hopeless relapse
and he was so self destructive
though no man could touch his soul, essence and what’s his
turned his beautiful bride into a young widow
single mother, unprotected kids through a tough window
it’s like we all grew up at once
i was 10, amann was 7 and still you were so young

the three of us against the world in vulnerability
and figuring it out like little girls inside a vicious sea
of stares of lecherous men and terrible things
lessons no kid should see when predators pretend to friends
wondering when it’ll end, thunder and scary events
functional as you can be from struggles at 7 and 10

intense grief, the whole family
went for umrah to find god, balance and sanity
you saw your mother*in*law’s passion and vanity
and life force depleting from a raw, savage calamity
went from carefree to wishful and clear
to absorbing and internalizing imprints of fear
about your own kids so whatever you could do for us, you’d make it happen
while i’m circling the kaaba, praying i be the greatest rapper
so you put us in a plane and took us to new york
our first america trip you booked to renew our
hope for life and heal us through a change of scenery
the three of us together to something we didn’t see coming
life can be a merciless teacher
woke up one morning to the first and worst of your seizures
didn’t cower, me and amann were first to the scene
11 and 8, and we were so determined you be here

aunty sophie and the ambulances turned up
right on time, 30 minutes later, you’d have turned shut
still you flatlined at the hospital, we thought we’d lost you
but you came back with the b*lls to shoot
back at life, from princess and a guarded rose
to spirit of a warrior, a k!ller and a hardened soldier
the party’s over when you say the f*ckin’ party’s over
knew you had a job to do, to be with us to all grow older

and even though you had your memory wiped
through the amnesia, you knew you had two cherub delights
didn’t remember our names, but you remembered our beings
sent for us in the icu, your flesh and your veins covered in bruises
from ripping out your ivs, i’d see glimpses of your old self in tiny
glitches and instances as your memories would trickle back
and trigger back incentives to get better, not a simple task
dispatched in weeks on a road to recovery
epilepsy and seizures, but bold and back on your feet
within a year you were working at companies
no qualifications, education or a husband, we were nothing
the elders had created the illusion that we all were rich
gambled their wealth, got in trouble and they all had dipped
you worked many hours to see some funds
barely touched baba’s savings, earned rs. 20,000 a month
wanted to take care of you the fullest that i can
and even as a child, i had to bite the bullet like a man
you were my first fan, and you fought for me
you fought everybody just so i could be an artist
see, when n0body believed in me, you pushed me to be something
you fought teachers, uncles, aunts, your in*laws and society
for my right to do what i do, so that i could dream
it is us against the world and you will always ride with me
and i remember flunking out of school
and getting thrown out of a few and left with nothing else to do
you dipped into baba’s funds and took what would have gone to college
“here’s $100,000 so you can explore this
without being held back in this country”
so i went to la and blew it all chasing a young dream
i was stupid as f*ck and i was premature
wanted to blow up quick so we could be secure

19 and mindless, attracted leeches and vampires
who sucked everything dry, it had to teach us some d*mn science
so we could be in balance through the challenges
and happenings that followed and surpass ’em
as our path finds us

another day, another seizure
business partners cheating you out of your money while you’d feed us
through these government bans, so i was stuck in a cage
in 2012 when i nearly died, the hunger and rage was all consuming
i worried about you and i felt the pressure tenfold
and hurried up up out this f*cking sunken mess
i left for america, soon as you got remarried
homeless for a year and losing weight as i would hustle gladly
and put myself at risk, just to secure our future
you called it off in the next year, thank god i’d scored a huge one
but there was more work to do in accordance to the truth that i was brought up
for you

a couple health scares before you started getting better
nana’s death and all the scars amounted to a lot of pressure
i left it all home summer of 2017, scouring la, hunting for a record deal
and while we were better than any drone to fly in this region
these b*tch*ass suits told us to go and try in india
mama will you stop f*cking complaining about everything
you have everything, i will get you everything
when i was in la, hunting for a record deal
you and amann were home alone and sh*t got very real
i wasn’t there to defend you and that’s a scary thing
goons broke in with guns to your dome and stole your wedding rings
but let it go, i’ll get you more than you could imagine
afford what you couldn’t fathom and more cause you didn’t abandon us
and i’m yours for life, forever a loyal son
vendettas and coils, none, we end ’em, rejoice as one
whatever your wars, done, i’ll settle the scores for you
trust that you raised a king and never be worried for me
forever a queen, and as i walk through h*ll’s door
there’s no other b*tch that i would walk through h*ll for

and even my father’s spirit is alive
cause you raised me to be a man the best you could
and i would die for you
“sit with your back straight, don’t sit with your legs crossed”
little things you told me when i was little and egg soft
hatched into a falcon from the nurture you gave me
and i’m certain you’re the reason i’m not murderous crazy
even though you can be a psychopathic nutcase
you’re still a graceful goddess and your light surpasses sunrays
and one way, someday soon
at least $10 million in the back from your son to you
from me to you i know all that sh*t is symbolic
you are the reason that i’m funny and i’m gorgeous
you are the reason that i’m cool and i’m a g*nius
all the music you exposed me to from womb into my teen years

if it wasn’t for you, then i would never be here
and this isn’t even about me, it doesn’t seem fair
and no 9 minute song alone could ever do you justice
human interpretations of the divine all lose their substance
i could go on about you if it’s what you had wanted
words couldn’t describe what you mean to me though
you’re truly something

“it’s been quite a journey. it’s been like a roller coaster ride. from the time i got married, i knew that, i chose him
i wanted to experience life and salim gave me that
i didn’t realize quite how scary it would be at times, and it was. it was, like, thrilling, it was exciting, but it was also terrifying
after salim died, it was a very, very painful breakdown
salim has shared with me the two most incredible children
you, adil, you’re sensitive. you’re warm. you’re loving. you’re creative
you have g*nius within you, you have sensitivity within you. you’ve got also tremendous strength
probably the strongest person i know. and the people who know you from your music might not know that at all because they just see this rapper
they don’t see you as a sensitive character, but you are. you’re sensitive but you’re strong
people who know you know what i’m saying
being a widow at such a young age pushed me over the edge. i didn’t have the education, i didn’t have the work experience
but i still got out of the house every day. i wanted to provide for my children and give them a good life. i had to play the role of both parents
6 months after salim died, we went to new york. one morning i didn’t wake up. it was a nightmare
my children saved my life 6 months after their father had died
they literally saved my life
and i went to the other side, and it wasn’t my time. i came back
but i saw something beautiful, i saw something beyond this world. it was god. it was divine
although i wanted to be the role of both parents, my children often had to parent me
this made them strong, this made them tough, resilient, wise, patient, courageous
together we’ve grown stronger, together we’ve made each other better
we’re so blessed to be healthy and to have overcome everything
it was a dark patch, but we survived, we thrived and it’s given me tremendous faith in the divine
i love music. at a young age i always exposed adil to very diverse music
when he was gestating in my womb. things like pink floyd, fleetwood mac, dire straits, to classical music as well
he was exposed to a lot of variety. i saw in adil the passion and determination
i vicariously get the kick as if i created it myself. he’s doing it one a level that i could never have imagined
i nurtured and encouraged it. i did fight for him to be able to keep his passion alive.”

- adil omar lyrics

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