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2023 senior roast - aaiv lyrics

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first up we have alex, what even is your last name?
guards his own teammates in every single game

basketball or soccer, get some practice in
you’re making addison look like a prime jeremy lin

always dressed in flannel, with an insidious stare
lookin’ like a middle*aged man in the midst of despair

smells like chicken: sweet and sour
always making jokes about stats
what’s the chance of you taking a shower?

rex chan? not a fan
roped me into honors o*chem without a plan
face it, man, chemistry’s just not your field
would a self*respecting chemist get 2% yield?

never admits it, always tryna pass off the blame
never comes to large group, don’t you feel any shame?
wish you showed the same aversion to alcohol
always denying it, but you’re a massive drunk after all

call you normie josea
cause your humor is boring
so sad, you’re on discord
taking calls while snoring
ligma grinder? just grind in real life
always playing minecraft, never sees the light

ran from grad school? doing consulting?
rizz up lee nadine, i know you think of her while you’re sleeping?

gabe you look so young, you get rejected from the pub
have to go back home, get on league and be a scrub
playing league and cs up until the morning
always flames his teammates even though he’s not performing

he’s a brazilian
racially ambiguous, call him a chameleon
studying economics so that you can earn some money
but every team you’re on loses like brazil vs germany

gabriel yamada, blue lock in his name
still a failure to the soccer world, just not neymar, not the same
we know your three wolves, r, m and h
be more open*minded, stop spreading the hate

h*llo furiduri, raymondq speaking
you’re always on discord, maybe consider sleeping?

yet to see you in person, cause you’re in a 2d dimension
why you stay inside in spain is beyond comprehension
for someone who’s pre*law, it’s kinda insane
how much of a weeb you are, it’s really not humane

at columbia, you gotta watch less
cause all it will bring you is spain without the s

i’m sure that chatting with discord bots is fun
and when it comes to useless jpegs, you’ve collected a ton

but here’s a question to ask yourself when all is said and done
how many days, no, weeks has it been since you last saw the sun?

just because you’re pres, doesn’t mean we give you a pass
@poketwo go catch some grass

here’s to josea, our resident boomer
still id checked at disneyland, ig an underage consumer

works at crown religiously but you’re a washed up never been
you realize when you walk you waddle like a paraplegic penguin

acts like he’s 60 when he’s driving on the highway
guess military taught u “gotta do things my way”

everywhere you go you spread your midlife crisis
get him off the board he’ll make your rso lifeless
yeah you’re the common denominator of all this conflict
passing blame like you pass in basketball, every shot is bricked

joel djuwadi, i thought it was liem?
you got other priorities, you don’t come to anything

“oh really? that’s so interesting?” is that all you say?
do you even have a shred of personality to display?

you can’t code your homework, but what should i expect?
you know “machine learning”, but you get homework from rex? (“air quotes”)

just take a look at your house, you’re a bas*m*nt dweller
how can you stand to live in such a stanky damp cellar (oops)

wannable luka, your shot is so slow
even addison can block it with a 1*2 combo

your stamina is pathetic, try harder in the gym
work out your legs, do you want to look like him? (insert picture of beast titan)

such a koreaboo, obsessive new jeans admirer
stay away bro, hyein is a ~minor~

addison, who are you again?
the last time i saw you must’ve been 1910

for a former large group leader, you really haven’t shown up
do you just like to send justin jones as your backup?

for a two*time discipler, you really fell off
looking like the warriors in this year’s playoffs

mr. “i’ll see you then”, you know it’s a lie
doesn’t even care for his sick girlfriend, what a guy

you look like a monkey and act like one too
with the state of your room, you straight up belong in a zoo

bryan
oh hey there it’s rich bryan ** but not the one we all like
flexing all your wealth ** but man it ain’t christ*like

yeah we know you drive a tesla ** so you can be hands off
just like you were in econ ** what’s the opposite of go off?

so we know you’re not a team player
like your golf game, you’re always somewhat mediocre

heard you lost to addy in some contest for eatin’
but the craziest news i heard all year was how you got with eden

just like all the others, all you do is sell
bryan, i think you need some more emmanuel

zach lee, you’re a menace to society
focus on career? maybe focus on sobriety

all this time with occam’s yet you’re still not funny
poor choices, bad jokes, that’s your only legacy

i almost forgot to ask
where is mario’s brother?
was being a good discipler just too tall of a task?

you always talk about bringing others to god
but i heard you puked on stage
you’re just a fraud

it’s sad, really
you’ve lost all credibility
so just stay right where you are
in irrelevancy

what the, who’s andrew? sounds kind of lame
just go by seto–no one knows your first name

from the rose capital, can’t put them to use
you say you’re 6 feet, got no excuse?

5 pounds is all you can curl?
try to choose someone from nu
(they’re majority girls)

working out at the playground? they won’t notice you
you’re forever maidenless, looking like a kangaroo

(faster)
a wannabe doctor, hopping from major to major, running from the grind
now biz econ, what useless major is it this time? (psych)

you have the most disgusting bathroom that i’ve ever seen
learn to live like a human, you pokemon fiend

verse 1:
he was my discipler my first year
yet he was the one discipled here
i guess i should take it as sign

pre*chorus:
he’s a flaker
he always says he will be the one to be there
but he’s lying all the time
so typical of him
but still he says he’ll go go go

chorus:
i gave a second chance to addison
thinking he would be the one to show up then
oh i check the op.gg and he’s silver 1 how are you so bad!

verse 2:
he claims he’s a baller every day
yet a first*year bodied him away (chelsea)
everything you say is a lie
been waiting for you since september
will you ever show up to large group?

pre*chorus:
he’s a flaker
he always says he will be the one to be there
but he’s lying all the time
so typical of him
but still he says he’ll go go go

chorus:
i gave a second chance to addison
thinking he would be the one to show up then
why does everyone know about your one ball story, do you want us all to know?!

- aaiv lyrics

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