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a strange loop - a strange loop (original broadway cast recording) lyrics

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[usher]
i am the story’s writer
i’m barely scr*ping by
i wake up every morning
i tell myself to try

i say “no compromises”
i claim to have a plan
when i am nothing more than
an angsty g*y black man
who looks into the mirror
despite the grief it brings
who hears these sloppy s’s
betray him as he sings

sometimes i feel so ugly
sometimes i feel so smart
some people stand together
me, well i stand apart

should i give up on hoping
my point of view will shift
and let this agony
just be my greatest gift

but if that is the secret
does that make any sense?
how can i change forever
if i stay on the fence?

with doubts i let define me
and l*st i can’t express
in pain i keep avoiding
and rage that i repress

i should stop overthinking
and do the thing that’s tough
unleash my hungry lion
cause dorothy’s had enough
of toxic tyler perry
and white g*y male tyranny
and my secret inner white girl
though she is dear to me

but would that be sufficient?
or would that be a sham?
cause even with those actions
i’m stuck with who i am

someone whose self perception
is based upon a lie
someone whose only problem
is with the pr*noun “i”

maybe i don’t need changing
maybe i should regroup
cause change is just an illusion

[thoughts]
just an illusion
just an illusion

[usher]
and “i” is just an illusion
[thoughts]
just an illusion
just an illusion

[usher]
if thoughts are just an illusion

[thoughts]
just an illusion
just an illusion

[usher]
then what a strange…

[thoughts]
strange
strange

[usher]
strange loop

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