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september 18th - 401jaxn lyrics

[verse]

its morning, i thought ‘about giving up
put pen to paper, as i take an influx of medication to persuade me into not looking up
bottled emotions seem to suck, but what i do know is the thought of reaching out could never cross my mind
and tears brought to my eyes from feelings of neglect my whole life, brought in to this world, i’m like f*ck
i keep on meeting girls, and trying something new but every time it seems i always f*ck up
she wanna leave, let her, cause she’ll spring back after winter
i start to fall, like november
wanna go back to when i met her
tell hеr to leave me alonе, ’cause all i bring is misery and misfortune, promising to change but all hope is so lost
thinkin back to when my lights were out
use to wake up with paraphernalia all around the house
cops tryna find out which house
people whipping up in the kitchen, drugs all around the ground
man i never thought i would amount or even make it out of the place where i would sit down and pout
waking up to all the screams and shouts
cops busting in, tryna figure out how my life is now
dads on china white, in the next room of mine as i’m sitting down, just tryna write
man i’m feelin high as a kite
demons in my head, never thought i would try to put up a fight
sleeping under a bridge i might, pop one of these pills, tryna tell myself that i would be alright
but the wasn’t the end of it
takin all these drugs, getting addicted, that sh*t was evident
relapsing every time i quit, look
[verse 2]

relapsing every time i quit
wanted to k!ll myself because i just knew i would take it again
won’t tell my momma this story, don’t wanna see her face change as i tell her, it’ll be horrid
but i don’t know where to begin
face going pale, eyes bloodshot, take it again
writing, rapping to cope with it, never wanna use again cause what if it’s the last time i’ll use it again
hopelessly draining the soul, out of my body, taking one too many pills, send me up, now i feel like i’m cardi be nice to me
i don’t mean to alarm you
i just keep having the same dream of me with the gun to my head
look upright to the sky begging god to give me a chance
pull the trigger, squint my eyes, is this life even over yet
my eyes open up, i cough
my hearts trembling, please stop
i throw the gun on my bed, profusely screaming to the top of my lungs
eyes bloodshot from all the tears that won’t stop
i look right at the gun and wonder why that b*tch did not pop
am i on this planet for a reason, did i cheat death, is this treason
miraculously i’m still stuck in the world
with all the bullsh*t that i go through, i’m not all that thrilled
i’m neglected
from all the things i ever f*cking had
you broke me into pieces, please tell me that you are glad?
confused, misused of all every possibility that i had
as i surround myself with people i don’t really f*cking have
and all the things i ever f*cking did for you is gone, i took down all the paintings that were hanging on my wall
you stabbed me in the back, blood splurged all over the wall
my body’s stuck, i’m feeling numb i can’t do this at all
i can’t do this all, f*ck

- 401jaxn lyrics

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