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to war! - 1938 and 1945 radio casts of knickerbocker holiday lyrics

[stuyvesant, spoken]
then as a pledge to our mutual determination, we shall now sing the war song of new amsterdam. hold your heads erect and sing with enthusiasm, for i shall be watching you. mark time. march!

[the army]
to war, to war, to war!
we don’t want what we are fighting for!
to war, to war, to war!
but that’s all right when soldiers go to war

oh, if we leave the maidens we adore
it’s not exactly that we fancy more
to come home feet first, laid out six by four
or minus things the surgeon can’t restore
or that we’ve been offered gold
no, it’s only that we’re told

one (hep), two (hep), three (hep), four (hep)
hep, hep, hep, hep

to war, to war, to war!
we don’t want what we are fighting for!
to war, to war, to war!
but that’s all right when soldiers go to war

[tina, spoken]
so we are to have a war as well as a wedding. certainly the wedding must be postponed.
[stuyvesant, spoken]
nonsense, nonsense, you’re much too beautiful to remain unwedded another day. have you memorized the little handful of rules which i drew up as a guidance for the wives of new amsterdam?

[tina, spoken]
i’m afraid not all of them.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
then put on your thinking cap, my dear. you will need these new precepts before nightfall.

[tina, spoken]
governor stuyvesant?

[stuyvesant, spoken]
yes?

[tina, spoken]
well, i— no, i can’t ask him. i don’t dare.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
tut, tut, tut—now what was the very first admonition on your list, child? repeat them all, from the beginning.

[tina, spoken]
rules for the wives of new amsterdam.

[stuvvesant, spoken]
one.
[tina, spoken]
one. a wife should have nothing on her mind which she does not tell her husband, and should tell her husband nothing which does not give him pleasure.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
quite accurate. quite accurate. two.

[tina, spoken]
two. husband and wife should never pass in the doorway. she should never go out as he comes in, nor come in as he goes out.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
hmm. and as a corollary, the less she goes out the better. three.

[tina, spoken]
three. she shall avoid all demonstrations of affection except when alone with her husband, for a hollander’s lady, like caesar’s wife, must be beyond reproach.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
a crude rule, but necessary. four.

[tina, spoken]
four. no dinner is good unless hot.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
ah, ha ha ha. ah, there, my dear, is the heart of domestic science. never forget that rule! five.

[tina, spoken]
five. for breakfast the wife should provide a great number of fresh eggs which have been boiled three minutes by the glass, and a great rasher of bacon, neatly fried, and she should smile constantly at her husband across these eggs and bacon, for a man is never at his best in the morning, and needs encouragement. oh, i never can do it! never!
[stuyvesant, spoken]
oh, yes, you will do very well in the beginning, my dear, and better later. for as a woman loses her charms, she begins to excel in cookery.

very well. now then, can anyone give reason why our troth should not be plighted?

[mistress schermerh*rn, spoken]
yes, i. i, the wife of the jailer of new amsterdam.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
what?

[mistress schermerh*rn, spoken]
i can give reason!

[stuyvesant, spoken]
what reason?

[mistress schermerh*rn, spoken]
she visited the jail last night in a most indelicate and indecent manner!

[stuyvesant, spoken]
this sweet and innocent girl?

[mistress schermerh*rn, spoken]
oh, she’s not so innocent!

[stuyvesant, spoken]
did you visit the jail last night?

[tina, spoken]
yes, sir.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
for what purpose?

[tina, spoken]
why, um, to return brom’s ring to him.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
you were engaged to brom broeck?

[tina, spoken]
yes, sir.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
and you went to jail to break off the engagement and return his ring?

[tina, spoken]
yes, sir.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
ha ha, a perfectly sound and moral reason.

[mistress schermerh*rn, spoken]
then why did she kiss him?

[stuyvesant, spoken]
ah, did you kiss him?

[tina, spoken]
well, i kissed him farewell.

[stuyvesant, spoken]
quite proper. quite proper. we erase the whole episode.

- 1938 and 1945 radio casts of knickerbocker holiday lyrics

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